Smiling, when fear arises

Fear is a given. We experience it repeatedly in our lives, whether it be related to work, relationships, new experiences or more.  A few weeks ago, I noticed that myself and many others were encountering or living in some form of fear.

Nothing flowed.

For me, my feet were stuck in a molasses-like mud and as I trudged and moved forward, there was another plate below, pulling me back.

I was “moving” forward in the midst of the fear, however I let the fear grow. It did not cripple me as it might have years ago, but the fear certainly prohibited any ability to live in “whats real”.

Pema Chodron in speaking of fear and reflecting on Trungpa Rinpoche’s teaching, says “when fear arrives, when insecurity arises, when we feel groundless, what happens? Does it set off this chain reaction of aggression, which actually just intensifies our fear and our paranoia and our insecurity; or do we face towards it?”

I thought I was “facing” towards it, but each action was still based and rooted in, fear, and thereby setting of that precise chain reaction.

So how, when fear arises, does one move past it?

A first suggestion came as a reminder from a friend:  when we feel the fear, can we observe it?  Not dive into it but observe it.  As if it were this foreign entity we don't actually know or quite understand. In order to do so, we are required to drop any self criticism and judgement for having that specific fear.  As we observe it, as we distance ourselves from it, we might also get to learn from it…

The second recommendation comes from Carolyn Rose Gimian who suggests “smiling at it.” She says, “there’s no real formula for how to smile at fear, but lately I'm just trying to turn up the corners of my mouth, when I start to panic.”

So how did I move past?

I acknowledged that there was a difference between the problem and the fear propagated by the problem.  I recognized I was in a struggle with fear. I was moving and taking actions rooted from fear, not reality, not the problem itself.

So I gave up the struggle. I took a breath. Many breaths, in fact, and I finally refused to perpetuate the negative thoughts which merely generate more fear and I turned up the corners of my mouth. 

Next time fear arises, can you face it, acknowledge it and then begin to turn up the corners of your mouth? 

Can you look at the problem and not the fear and move from the problem.

PS: Our greatest inventors, our greatest change makers... they create(d) solutions to problems, not fears. Just a thought :D.

With so much love and light,

Rachel (to receive these in your inbox, subscribe below!) xx

PPS. Interested in, or know anyone who is looking for to transform and shake up their life in one way or another?  Reach out for a complimentary sample session... and know that 7% of all proceeds are going to Roots of Hope - an organization that empowers the youth of Cuba to design their future. Together let's impact the world around us. 

Freedom

“The secret to happiness is freedom, the secret to freedom is courage”

— Thucydides

Andrea Butt claims, “Freedom is about being so truly, madly and deeply attached to your own soul that you can’t bear - if only for a moment - a life that doesn’t honor it.”

There is much truth in those words. It takes true courage to honor yourself, to honor your soul.  

Think back, is there a moment you wanted to stand up for an injustice but refrained from doing so? Or perhaps a time you sincerely wanted something more but didn't go after it? 

Had more courage been present, what might have occurred? How much freer might you have felt in that — or perhaps, as a result, this — moment? 

We often think that courage indicates doing something colossal…making a massive move or taking substantial stance, but we forget that courage is evident in the smaller, everyday choices: the choices we tell ourselves don’t really matter, the ones which seem insignificant.  

When added up, when pushed aside time and again, those decisions create debilitating patterns and a stark neglect of values. 

The beauty, however, resides in the flip side.   When the courageous choice is made, especially in the smaller “inconsequential” moments, it re-enforces our values and strengthens the muscle which liberates.

What does courage mean, or look like, to you?

What would your life look like if you were just a bit more courageous?

The invitation this week, isn’t necessarily to take a huge leap. OR, maybe for you, it is. The invitation is to show courage in those seemingly minor moments, and feel the freedom it creates, the freedom you create. 

With love and light,

Rachel     -Working with change-makers to brighten the world, one soul at a time  xx

PS Subscribe below to receive the blog weekly!

No es Facil... It's not Easy

“Gratitude transforms lack into abundance, weakness into strength and mere minutes into precious, beautiful time. ”

A standard street in Old Habana

I recently returned from Cuba. To say the conditions there are dire, would be an understatement. 

Down most streets in old Havana (or Habana) buildings are crumbling and rubble piles up. Earthquakes over the last decade have shattered the structural foundations, and many of the places are frameworks, at best, without roofs.

It’s these moments, these exposures and these experiences which bring me back to the critical value of gratitude. Gratitude for everything I do have in my life.*  Gratitude for the ability to create my own life. Gratitude for the power of choice.

Last week’s blog shed light on the fact that we can either be bound or liberated by our circumstances. Gratitude, in many ways expands upon that. Bondage, liberation, gratitude, they are each a state of being, or rather, “a context we generate.”

Brene Brown says, “sufficiency isn't two steps up from poverty or one step short of abundance. It isn't a measure of barely enough or more than enough. Sufficiency isn't an amount at all. It is an experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough.” 

I’d posture the same. Gratitude is an experience, it is truly a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that the moment is enough…that we are enough.

Gratitude transforms lack into abundance, weakness into strength and mere minutes into precious, beautiful time. It can turn a simple embrace into love that lasts a lifetime and a brief conversation into an unparalleled connection. 

This week I ask, I implore, what DO you have in your life? What would your hour, day or even week (!!) look like if was experienced from a place of gratitude? Gratitude for you body that enables you to move, to feel, to experience. Gratitude for the time spent on those (things) you love.  

**** P.S.  Roots of Hope (Races de Esperanza) is an incredible non profit, non-partisan group that sponsors academic and cultural initiatives focused on empowering youth to become the authors of their own future.

*As a life coach, its my role to empower my clients to be the author of their future.  Therefore, I am SO excited to share that I'll be donating  7% of my fee for all new clients for the next six months to Roots of Hope. www.rootsofhope.org. 

Curious about coaching or know someone that would benefit from, and looking to transform what's possible and/or rock foundational limiting beliefs? Contact me for a sample session!

Allow me to support and further empower you, and together we'll support and empower the globe...beginning with the youth of Cuba.

With so much love and gratitude,

Rachel

Planting a Seed

‘When you plant a seed, it takes time for it to grow into a tree, and even longer for that tree to bear fruit. Before anything even happens the seedling must first take root, and to do so, it requires nourishment.’  

Such words are a relatively familiar paradigm, one which I’ve come across a handful of times. In each instance the message has a powerful impact. 

As adults we have the tendency to imitate children who plant the seed, and then, with excited anticipation, dig it up the next day to see if it has sprouted.  Our impatience gets the best of us and barely a day, or if we are really “patient,” a week, will go by before we get antsy about seeing the results.  The blaring question is always, “How far have I… or how far has “it” come?”  

Most often, just like that seed, not far enough.

How regularly do you set an intention and then give it up because it has not generated the desired results, quickly enough? 

On the other hand, how often do you set an intention, reap some level of reward or view some level of progress, then move on, disregarding that objective? After all, it has taken root and now half-expect it to continue flourishing on its own?

Even when something takes root, be it related to your body, your life or business, it still requires consistent attention. It needs nurturing.

Our ideas, practices, habits and relationships are like seedlings: they require continued nourishment and care. Even if what was initially planted changes as the years evolve, those seedlings, having developed into saplings, will continue to grow given ongoing nurture.

Where in your life would you like to see growth or progress? Is it flexibility (of the mind or body)? Is it a new strength or new business? Whatever it may be, can you set an intention and make a commitment to it today… and then commit to it for the coming six months to a year before fully analyzing its growth?

With love and light,

Rachel (to receive these weekly, subscribe below :) )

Mind, Body, Spirit

More often than not, I start coaching sessions by asking my client to take four to six deep, belly-expanding breaths. Then, as a form of "check-in", they will answer the following:

My mind is… 

My body is…

My spirit is…
 

Go ahead, try it.  Take a few truly conscious breaths, focusing on how it feels as you inhale. Then, honestly fill in those same sentences with the first word or phrase that comes forth. 

P.S.: Don't decide on the answers in advance. The exercise is to experience what is present in this moment, after those breaths. 

The point and the benefit? 

It's an opportunity to unpack three separate elements - our mind, our body, and our spirit - that make up who we believe ourselves to be but tend to amass as one.

Each aspect is very much independent, however, they quickly become intrinsically connected and intertwine in a way that blurs the lines between who we are and what’s really going on with us. 

If we were to be our body-our bones, organs and flesh-we’d be defined by our physical structure and prowess. And though for some, it may feel that their bodies largely define who they are, it isn’t actually true.  Our bodies can impact our mind and our spirit when we allow it, but while we can let it define who we are, the truth is the body is wholly separate from our spirit, and both of those are also wholly distinct from our mind, our intellect.

If we were to be our mind..... well, let's just say thank goodness thats not the case.

Though an insanely strong set of cognitive faculties, the mind doesn't wholly define who we are or the values we live by - AND it's something we can re-train.   A wide-spread, mind-controlled, belief of "not good enough" is a perfect example.  A vast number of humans walk around with some level of that belief (embedded by their minds) and many, with age and training, overcome those limiting beliefs.  Furthermore, when we truly check in with our spirit, an aspect most intrinsically guiding who we are, we know we are not defined by our mind, but rather our values and actions.

So how often do you let one aspect drive the whole vehicle? How might a few belly breaths allow you to become present and honestly check in with how you are feeling? 

For my clients, for myself, that step back allows a bigger picture to unfold, and the steps forward are far more connected to what is real, what is truly present.

With love and light,

Rachel (to receive these weekly, subscribe below!)

A Butterfly Connection

(This week’s topic is one I could delve into for hours...there is so much to explore and share. The enclosed is a stab at presenting a thesis topic in one small blog, and written with love.)

 As human beings, we yearn for connection. I would even assert after sustenance of food and water, connection is our next priority. Not surprisingly, there is significant supporting scientific evidence that we have a fundamental need to be connected to those around us.  However, we often struggle with the “how-to.”

Armand Dimele argues that “when people go within and connect with themselves, they realize they are connected to the universe and they are connected to all living things.”

So as I inquired last week, what are those moments for you?

Did you discover where or when you are most grounded and/or connected? 

My anchors are my practice, meditation, authentic connection with another being and time in nature.

I do not profess that the moment I step onto the mat or sit in my chair (or the great outdoors) I am automatically grounded or connected. 

It takes time to get “there,” to be more deeply connected to myself and ultimately connected to more. Each serves as a portal, an opening. As I connect to myself in that space, I am, with time, connected to - and present to - something greater.  As I lay under the starts in the sky, I am not separate, but rather somehow a part of it. 

I am only one, a singular individual living my singular life. However, through my limited scope, I’ve experienced and been exposed to enough to know more than I did 10 years ago.  And as I nourish and explore my own “knowing,” I’ve watched my world expand. And each time I allow that expansion, its as though I myself expand… As I connect more with myself, I realize how we are all connected to the universe and all living things.

So again, the invitation is to connect. Not to create a separateness, which we all at one time or another have accustomed ourselves to, but to find something greater, something beyond the limited periphery of just ourselves.

As Albert Einstein said, we as a human being are “part of a whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space.” As such, he continues, it is our task “to free ourselves from this prison [of separateness] by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

My immediate desire for you, is not that you feel connected to each and every living thing that comes before you (though that can be beautiful), but to be open to new connections. To be open to seeing and knowing how others, living in their own very real world, might intertwine and connect with yours on a bigger plane and on a greater scale.  No matter where you are, who you encounter or whether you think the person you come into acquaintance with is from a different world to your own, there is always a connection to be had. 

Are you willing to be open to more? To seek that which seeks you? And when we speak of these unexpected connections, that rare moment when a butterfly rests on your shoulder can you know that in that moment you are connected to the world’s beauty as well?

Some things to ponder. Would love to hear what you discover.

With love and light,

Rachel

The Most Natural Way to Your Heart

“Breath is the most natural way to your heart.” 

An anatomical and metaphorical truth, breath truly is the most direct vehicle to the heart.  Our breath enters our body through our noses or mouths, travels down into our lungs and is then transported into our heart. And, while the breath is literally and metaphorically the most accessible tool to self-care and self-love, we easily, without thought, withhold it from ourselves.

When we get stressed, anxious, angry, upset, we hold tight, nearly closing our larynx and trachea, the pathway to the lungs.  We unconsciously restrain our access to calm.  Amit Ray said, “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

Can you live in the breath? Can you take a moment to sit with your breath? Notice how it feels when you breathe into your heart – and into your belly.  Notice how your breath moves your body as you inhale, and again as you exhale.  Let your breath move you, notice what changes in your mind and body with a few conscious breaths.

It requires thought and intention to take a deep inhale, to feel the breath and allow it into the heart (and belly) to subdue our overactive minds and relax our often tense bodies. As stated Mind, Body, Spirit, it takes courage. So breathe.

With love and light,

Rachel                                                                                                                                            P.S.  Neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin along with other endorphins are produced in the belly.  When you breathe into the belly the production of those neurotransmitters increases, allowing us to calm down and feel more relaxed and at ease.  I’m a nerd for the amazing science behind what otherwise seems so mystical.

P.P.S. To receive these in your inbox weekly, subscribe below!  

Pooh's Perspective

“What day is it?"
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.

Every time you ask my cousin how his day is – his response is, “Best day ever!”  On the rare occasion, you might hear…”Awful! Terrible! Horrible! But it was the best day, best trip, ever.”  He’s a stereotypical New Yorker on almost every level: quick thinker, faster talker, well-read, dynamic, semi ;) cultured and extremely sarcastic. But he’s also an enigma (and I can say this after having lived in ‘The City’ for eight years): he truly cherishes all that he has and manages to find the merit in the moment.  It’s said, “Stress occurs when we forget how beautiful the present moment is.”[1] And while I am not sure we can eliminate all stress in our lives, would it be possible to start with eliminating some? What would it be to live in the present moment?

So what’s the reality in THIS moment? What is actually happening right now? What can you hear in this moment? What can you see? (likely in this moment, it’s a screen :D) What can you feel and touch? Smell?  Five minutes ago no longer exists unless you bring it into the present moment. What’s truly here, now?

After sending last week’s blog to a friend, she replied with further insight: the reason year toddlers do not get hung up in the past, in their hundreds and thousands of falls and are always ready to take their next step, is because they are indeed living in the moment. That might explain why they are quick to cry – and then quick to forget. They feel the pain in that moment and rather than continuing to live in that space and latching onto that experience for the rest of the day, they remain engaged with whatever else is directly in front of them.

So this week, can we continue to learn from the two-year-old toddler within? Can you remain present? Can you find the beauty as my cousin does each and every day in every moment possible? Granted not every moment is beautiful, but what if you found just five, three or even one moment to enjoy each and every day? How might that enhance your day? Your life?

Victoria Erickson said, “to be present might be exactly what we’ve needed all along. To feel a place while we are fully in it. To be fully with people while sharing time. To know this moment and this moment only may actually be the closest thing to ecstatic living we’ll experience…So wherever you are, be there. In your body. One foot in front of the next.”

As you step into 2017, can you start with this moment? Notice what’s here. Notice the beauty. And like Pooh or my cousin, can you have more “best days,” or “favorite days”?

With love and gratitude,

Rachel (Sign up below to receive these weekly!)

[1] www.wisdom-ink.com and www.facebook.com/conciouslivingnetwork

A Toddler Try

As toddlers, the second we gather our strength to stand, we almost immediately fall (sometimes flat on our face), AND we get right back up. We try again, and again, and again until we master standing up, walking, and soon find ourselves running much to our delight.

Decades later, however, when we attempt a new practice, learn a new skill, or begin a new endeavor, so often we find ourselves giving up before we’ve even begun (especially if our lives or salaries are not on the line). We might even go through the motions, convincing ourselves we are truly making a concerted effort, but scarcely do we give that two-year-old toddler try.

It is said that “the reason most people give up so fast is that they look at how far the have to go, rather than how far they’ve already come.” We often neglect to ever honor ourselves for how far we’ve come: no matter the distance, it’s not far enough.

Last week I found myself staring straight at (or away from!) two skills I’ve wanted to hone: Patience and Compassion.  After what felt like tireless test of these two traits, I criticized myself for not having done more: I should have been kinder, more patient, more compassionate.  But how far had I actually come?

When we slip, we are so quick to condemn ourselves for those moments which “evidence” lack of growth.  The truth is, however, it’s in those moments, those moments where we feel we are not as strong, and not as patient that true growth occurs.

We learn just as much from our failures as we do from our successes, if not more.  In taking this to the mat, or to your desired skill, how far have you come? Using the mat as either your literal or symbolic analogy, have you made it to the mat? If so, that’s huge; in many ways, the biggest step. If it’s your seventh or tenth time, you’ve gained at the least a small insight into what a practice looks like, feels like. If it’s your twentieth or thirtieth time you are building your practice; a hundredth or thousandth, the practice looks wholly different. It may not be perfect, but can it ever be? What is perfection? Alfred Aiken said, “drop the idea of “success”—know that Perfection is Perfect Now.”

With that, what’s “perfect now”? And when you find yourself in moments that are not as strong, not as balanced or you are not as flexible (in your mind OR body), can you get excited and know that THAT’S when the growth occurs? If we get excited about the moments we stand or walk, just as we did decades ago, we might find ourselves running sooner than we think.

With love,

Rachel (if you want these weekly to your inbox, subscribe below!)

Today's struggle, tomorrow's success

“The struggle you are in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow”

— Robert Tew

Today's struggle not only develops tomorrow's strength but also engenders tomorrow's success.

 If we allow it.

Whenever a struggle arises, whenever "failure" presents itself, there is a choice. 

We can self-flagellate and feel sorry for ourselves, or we can choose to celebrate those moments, learning from them and pivoting in ways that catapult our work and lives to the next level.

From Steve Jobs to Elon Musk, these individuals have harnessed innumerable failures, each ultimately informing their future successes.

So when you look at your life and what YOU want, where do you struggle?

Rather than retreat from those moments, can you celebrate them? 

Because when you do, you are building strength and power. 

But how? How do we shift into celebration and a growth mindset?

It requires curiosity and compassion: compassion for ourselves when our habituated ways creep in, to self-condemning ways creep in, muddying our ability to see clearly.

Compassion so that we can engage with curiosity and discernment. Only with interest and insight can we avail ourselves of the moment's gifts and exercise that inherent power. Because each time you do, you are building, growing, and creating your future success. 

One of the greatest ways to harness that compassion and curiosity is through cultivating new levels of conscious awareness, conscious leadership, and the unparalleled tools of Mindfulness.

Want to learn more? Let’s connect.

With love,

Rachel Tenenbaum
I AM (Intentional Abundant Mindful) Living.