As many of you might know, I am a fiend… FIEND for growth and learning. At any given moment I have no less than 10 books in my virtual shopping cart and 10 BEGGING to be read in all corners of my home (seriously, I swear some look at me with pleading eyes).

A few weeks ago, I got to immerse myself in a 4-day (12hrs each day!) training, designed to teach me more about the brain and how to rewire unwanted, debilitating, and devitalizing beliefs and behaviors at the deepest levels. I learned quite a bit and was reminded of other essential, quite frankly, mind blowing facts. So, as you can imagine, I wanted to share a few precious gems and takeaways with you.

“When you give up reasons and excuses, you start getting results.” -Dr. Matt James, Empowerment, Inc.

Throughout my twenties, I had reasons. Reasons why I couldn't have what I wanted. I was successful by societal standards, but I was unhappy and wildly disconnected from myself and my most authentic, greater goals.

Then… something happened which altered my perspective on life and a deep tectonic shift occurred within me.

I started to look at - and quite frankly - approach life differently. I started giving up reasons, and I got extraordinary results. Immediately, my life shifted dramatically, and I made huge pivots many called courageous, but for me, they were purely requisite.

As I continue my practice of giving up reason after reason, massive opportunities for growth continue to reveal themselves almost daily in my business, my leadership, my relationships, and my life. And the rewards, well they are never ending.

Our mind at any given time takes in 2,000,000 bits of information, but we only consciously process 126 bits.

I had heard this once before, but I don’t think it stuck as strongly as it did a few weeks ago. Perhaps it’s because I am more familiar with something called the RAS – our Reticular Activating Systems. In layman’s terms it is a system in our brain which tells our conscious mind what bits to process on the conscious level.

For example: You’re like my sister in her 20’s and decide you’d love a red BMW. Suddenly you see red BMWs EVERYWHERE. Or you’re like my mother, and you decide you want to try out Pilates, and suddenly it’s as though your city has turned into a Pilates haven. That desire plants a seed within the RAS, guiding your conscious mind towards which 126 bits it should process.

Envision 2 million toothpicks falling from the sky and you are reaching for the 126 bright green ones.

Why does this matter?

Have you ever been on a trip and to one person it is the most beautiful or exciting place, but to another, it’s dirty and/or miserable? Take New York City for example. To many it’s the most exciting city in the world, filled with fascinating people, events and conversations. For others it’s dirty, rude, and cramped. Like any place, it, in many ways, can be BOTH. But through the RAS one’s experience and what they SEE and what they EXPERIENCE is dramatically influenced by the 126 bits the RAS points the conscious mind to “pick up.”

Our Brain Does Not Process Negatives.

Why does this matter? Have you ever told someone private information and specifically said “don’t tell anyone” only to find out that information somehow slipped from their lips? Unfortunately, what their unconscious brain processes is “tell others.” When we re-language our words to align with what we want, we get a different result. “Don’t tell anyone” can easily be re-languaged to, “I know (or am grateful) you will keep this between us, and I wanted to share it with you.” Now you have not only empowered and made that person feel special, but you have planted the seed that “they will keep it sacred.”

Furthermore, in reflection, what I love about this is: while it is essential to reflect on and know what we don’t want, we really should spend more time speaking about, and reflecting on what we do want. Too often we spend so much time and mental energy on the “don’t want,” we limit our engagement and visioning of what it is that we do want. It’s as though we point our focus in the direction we want to avoid, instead of focusing our attention, where we want to go.

In truth, it can be hard to know where we should point that focus. However it's far harder, long term to never get there, and find yourself always looking behind.

You want to rewire old habits and beliefs? You must work with the unconscious.

I often quote Carl Jung who said, “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” So much of the work I do is about cultivating awareness so that we can bring greater (awareness) to the unconscious drivers of our lives. But this weekend, I learned more about the stats.

To clarify, our subconscious mind is the reservoir of thoughts, beliefs and feelings that operate beneath the conscious. Think of an iceberg. The conscious mind is 5 percent (max) above the surface of the water, while really, what’s holding everything up (and driving our lives) is the 95 percent beneath the surface: that subconscious reservoir.

What’s more is that the subconscious mind is largely programmed by the time you are 7 years old. Ever wonder why you sometimes feel like your internal 7-year-old is throwing a temper tantrum or running your life? Until you make the unconscious conscious, this part of your brain will direct your life and you will feel as though you have no real control over your actions.

Quite honestly, it’s one of the reasons Mindfulness is so extraordinarily powerful. It enables us to bring to light the unconscious thoughts, behaviors, and drivers of our lives so that we can shift them to align with our greatest goals and desires.

So, give up your excuses, adjust your language to be specific with what you want (for yourself and others) and create the opportunity to allow what you WANT to come into your conscious awareness to step forward. Start making the unconscious, conscious. Simple right?

Re-writing your brain, making the unconscious conscious and ceasing the pattern of accepting excuses can feel like a lot to tackle on your own. I’d love to help! Whether for you - or your organization - reach out and let’s start you on your journey today.

Over the course of my time teaching Meditation and Mindfulness, I cannot count the number of times I have heard “it’s just not for me… I can’t quiet my mind enough to meditate,” or, “I can’t, I am bad at it.” Does that resonate?

I get it. I, too, was a culprit of an incessant mind. I prided myself in my NYC days for being called an Octopus, seemingly capable of attending to eight tasks at once. I, too, initially feared that in quieting my mind, I would lose that “powerful edge.” However, experience taught me that Meditation did not inhibit my ability to think quickly, but instead increased my ability to respond thoughtfully.

And the more I gleaned the benefits, over time I adapted a witty retort I once heard: “claiming your mind is too busy to meditate, is like saying you are too dirty to take a shower.”*

While true, it’s taken years and a more profound understanding to finally grasp: Meditation is NOT about clearing the mind. The mind wanders. It is what it does.

Meditation, instead, is about habituating the mind to a chosen point of focus, again, and again, and again. Whether the point of focus is your breath, your body, a guided meditation, the sounds around you, a tennis ball…(the list can go on), each time the mind wanders, and you return, you are rewiring your brain and building new neural muscles.

Research shows that with only 8-weeks, the practice of Mindfulness and Meditation rewires and builds areas of the brain related to memory, learning, and empathy and rewires areas related to stress.

As we develop the skill to habituate the mind back to an object of focus, we not only increase our ability to focus, but we also discover a new control over our mind. No longer do we feel like our mind has a life of its own we cannot regulate, especially when the fears or anxieties run rampant.

Ultimately, we access greater internal equanimity, greater peace of mind, and even a sharper mind. In truth, Meditation bolsters nearly every leadership development and personal development skill out there. Who doesn’t want that?

So then how do we meditate? Especially when the misconception is that Meditation is about clearing the mind?

One of the most effective approaches to Meditation is to see it as a 4-stage process, with the third and fourth stages being equally critical to stage one.

1. First, you are present: you are focused on the breath, your body, the guided Meditation: a specific, chosen object of focus.

2. Second, your mind wanders to what’s going on in the world, to your endless task list, an argument, something else you “should be” doing at that moment. The brain LOVES to be productive, so it will likely reach for anything that seems “more productive” at the moment, including deciding what you are having for your next meal.

3. Third, a light bulb illuminates in the recesses of your mind, and you realize, “I am no longer present.” Often, a little voice articulates, or rather harshly admonishes, “I am no longer “meditating!”’

Pausing here, this is PART of Meditation. This moment is one of the most potent, brilliant moments in the process. The moment that you have noticed your mind is elsewhere is HUGE: how often are you aware of where your mind is? I love the James Joyce astute quote, “Mr. Duffy lived a short distance from his body.” This brilliant, light bulb moment of awareness is PART of Meditation, and it enables the next critical stage.

4. In the fourth and final stage, you “unhook” from that thought, no matter how tempting or consuming, and consciously bring it back to your initial, intended point of focus.

Meditation is just as much being in the present moment, as it is noticing where your mind wandered to, and then “unhooking” from that thought.

Everyone cycles through these four stages, be it a novice meditator or the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama merely has more practice, notices the wandering more readily, and refocuses more rapidly.

Ultimately, the practice is like going to the gym. Some days will be a tougher “work out” others will feel stronger, and yet, every time you cycle through those four stages, it’s like picking up a weight. Each time, your mind gets stronger.

*Originally shared by Eoin Finn as “claiming you are too inflexible to do yoga is like saying you are too dirty to take a shower.”

** Originally written for and Published by Ellevate Network