"To expand our sphere of comfort, we must first sit in discomfort."
These words were steeped in my bones during a recent and soul-stirring silent retreat in Boone, NC with Gurudev, renowned for his global humanitarian efforts. For some, the idea of silence sounds miserable; for others, pure bliss. For me, while it would have been true pain years ago, it was a huge gift that I gave to myself.
During the retreat, while we couldn't speak, we could submit questions on paper to Gurudev, hoping for answers. The number of questions asking, “How do I love myself?” or “How do I rid myself of my anxiety?” was pervasive.
Here's the thing: these questions are not just personal issues. How we feel about ourselves influences every action and interaction. I've seen this impact firsthand—whether through my own experiences or through the stories shared by those I have the privilege to work with. Anxiety and self-doubt can be incredibly limiting, affecting our clarity, decision-making, and overall well-being.
Transforming Anxiety, Building Self-Love & Changing our World
We live in a polarized world where fear and inadequacy often drive our actions and interactions. It's important to understand that when we, even unconsciously, live with these feelings, they directly impact our brain chemistry, reducing our ability to listen, engage, and collaborate. To change this, we need to start with ourselves.
By doing our personal work, and addressing the issues of anxiety and self love, we begin to repair the fabric that's been torn apart—within our relationships, at work, and at scale. We can lay down our defenses, listen more openly, and work together to build bridges and innovative solutions never before imagined.
A friend responded to a recent post I shared about all the questions asked to Gurudev with the following:
"Thank you, I really needed that today. Your post really resonates with the work I've been trying to do lately. And I do think that it hits on the hardest question: how do we truly love ourselves?"
He further acknowledged that some of the things we tend to do to allegedly build ourselves up are actually to our detriment. Here's what I shared with him:
It's a practice that requires courage. It involves sitting and looking at what pulls us away—what internal dialogue and limiting beliefs are impeding access. How do we listen with both compassion and detachment? Because it's our attachment to those words that gives them their power. With that listening of compassion, detachment, and ultimately discernment, we can start to change the dialogue and the narrative.
Addressing anxiety and self-love involves building a new relationship with the voices inside our heads—the ones that fuel our aggression or amplify our anxiety. Mindfulness and compassion are not just abstract concepts; they are skills that can be developed.
It's also critical to note that self-love is not a destination but a continuous practice. It demands that we confront our internal dialogues, challenge limiting beliefs, and rewrite the narratives that no longer serve us.
So, what are you doing as an organization or leader to support yourself—and your people?
In my bi-weekly Calm and Connect sessions (open to everyone and happening THIS SUNDAY), we explore practical ways to develop these skills. There is a way to begin, and it starts with small, intentional steps.
If you're seeking support in this journey, whether for yourself or your organization, reach out. Let's connect and explore how I can help you lead with clarity and heart.
P.S. Join us for the next Calm & Connect session, this Sunday, July 28th to strengthen the muscle of mindfulness and dive into essential reflection alongside others.