As many of you might know, I am a fiend… FIEND for growth and learning. At any given moment I have no less than 10 books in my virtual shopping cart and 10 BEGGING to be read in all corners of my home (seriously, I swear some look at me with pleading eyes).
A few weeks ago, I got to immerse myself in a 4-day (12hrs each day!) training, designed to teach me more about the brain and how to rewire unwanted, debilitating, and devitalizing beliefs and behaviors at the deepest levels. I learned quite a bit and was reminded of other essential, quite frankly, mind blowing facts. So, as you can imagine, I wanted to share a few precious gems and takeaways with you.
“When you give up reasons and excuses, you start getting results.” -Dr. Matt James, Empowerment, Inc.
Throughout my twenties, I had reasons. Reasons why I couldn't have what I wanted. I was successful by societal standards, but I was unhappy and wildly disconnected from myself and my most authentic, greater goals.
Then… something happened which altered my perspective on life and a deep tectonic shift occurred within me.
I started to look at - and quite frankly - approach life differently. I started giving up reasons, and I got extraordinary results. Immediately, my life shifted dramatically, and I made huge pivots many called courageous, but for me, they were purely requisite.
As I continue my practice of giving up reason after reason, massive opportunities for growth continue to reveal themselves almost daily in my business, my leadership, my relationships, and my life. And the rewards, well they are never ending.
Our mind at any given time takes in 2,000,000 bits of information, but we only consciously process 126 bits.
I had heard this once before, but I don’t think it stuck as strongly as it did a few weeks ago. Perhaps it’s because I am more familiar with something called the RAS – our Reticular Activating Systems. In layman’s terms it is a system in our brain which tells our conscious mind what bits to process on the conscious level.
For example: You’re like my sister in her 20’s and decide you’d love a red BMW. Suddenly you see red BMWs EVERYWHERE. Or you’re like my mother, and you decide you want to try out Pilates, and suddenly it’s as though your city has turned into a Pilates haven. That desire plants a seed within the RAS, guiding your conscious mind towards which 126 bits it should process.
Envision 2 million toothpicks falling from the sky and you are reaching for the 126 bright green ones.
Why does this matter?
Have you ever been on a trip and to one person it is the most beautiful or exciting place, but to another, it’s dirty and/or miserable? Take New York City for example. To many it’s the most exciting city in the world, filled with fascinating people, events and conversations. For others it’s dirty, rude, and cramped. Like any place, it, in many ways, can be BOTH. But through the RAS one’s experience and what they SEE and what they EXPERIENCE is dramatically influenced by the 126 bits the RAS points the conscious mind to “pick up.”
Our Brain Does Not Process Negatives.
Why does this matter? Have you ever told someone private information and specifically said “don’t tell anyone” only to find out that information somehow slipped from their lips? Unfortunately, what their unconscious brain processes is “tell others.” When we re-language our words to align with what we want, we get a different result. “Don’t tell anyone” can easily be re-languaged to, “I know (or am grateful) you will keep this between us, and I wanted to share it with you.” Now you have not only empowered and made that person feel special, but you have planted the seed that “they will keep it sacred.”
Furthermore, in reflection, what I love about this is: while it is essential to reflect on and know what we don’t want, we really should spend more time speaking about, and reflecting on what we do want. Too often we spend so much time and mental energy on the “don’t want,” we limit our engagement and visioning of what it is that we do want. It’s as though we point our focus in the direction we want to avoid, instead of focusing our attention, where we want to go.
In truth, it can be hard to know where we should point that focus. However it's far harder, long term to never get there, and find yourself always looking behind.
You want to rewire old habits and beliefs? You must work with the unconscious.
I often quote Carl Jung who said, “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” So much of the work I do is about cultivating awareness so that we can bring greater (awareness) to the unconscious drivers of our lives. But this weekend, I learned more about the stats.
To clarify, our subconscious mind is the reservoir of thoughts, beliefs and feelings that operate beneath the conscious. Think of an iceberg. The conscious mind is 5 percent (max) above the surface of the water, while really, what’s holding everything up (and driving our lives) is the 95 percent beneath the surface: that subconscious reservoir.
What’s more is that the subconscious mind is largely programmed by the time you are 7 years old. Ever wonder why you sometimes feel like your internal 7-year-old is throwing a temper tantrum or running your life? Until you make the unconscious conscious, this part of your brain will direct your life and you will feel as though you have no real control over your actions.
Quite honestly, it’s one of the reasons Mindfulness is so extraordinarily powerful. It enables us to bring to light the unconscious thoughts, behaviors, and drivers of our lives so that we can shift them to align with our greatest goals and desires.
So, give up your excuses, adjust your language to be specific with what you want (for yourself and others) and create the opportunity to allow what you WANT to come into your conscious awareness to step forward. Start making the unconscious, conscious. Simple right?
Re-writing your brain, making the unconscious conscious and ceasing the pattern of accepting excuses can feel like a lot to tackle on your own. I’d love to help! Whether for you - or your organization - reach out and let’s start you on your journey today.