Stop Unconsciously Filtering Your World

As many of you might know, I am a fiend… FIEND for growth and learning. At any given moment I have no less than 10 books in my virtual shopping cart and 10 BEGGING to be read in all corners of my home (seriously, I swear some look at me with pleading eyes).

A few weeks ago, I got to immerse myself in a 4-day (12hrs each day!) training, designed to teach me more about the brain and how to rewire unwanted, debilitating, and devitalizing beliefs and behaviors at the deepest levels. I learned quite a bit and was reminded of other essential, quite frankly, mind blowing facts. So, as you can imagine, I wanted to share a few precious gems and takeaways with you.

“When you give up reasons and excuses, you start getting results.” -Dr. Matt James, Empowerment, Inc. 

Throughout my twenties, I had reasons. Reasons why I couldn't have what I wanted. I was successful by societal standards, but I was unhappy and wildly disconnected from myself and my most authentic, greater goals. 

Then… something happened which altered my perspective on life and a deep tectonic shift occurred within me.

I started to look at - and quite frankly - approach life differently. I started giving up reasons, and I got extraordinary results. Immediately, my life shifted dramatically, and I made huge pivots many called courageous, but for me, they were purely requisite. 

As I continue my practice of giving up reason after reason, massive opportunities for growth continue to reveal themselves almost daily in my business, my leadership, my relationships, and my life. And the rewards, well they are never ending. 

Our mind at any given time takes in 2,000,000 bits of information, but we only consciously process 126 bits.

I had heard this once before, but I don’t think it stuck as strongly as it did a few weeks ago. Perhaps it’s because I am more familiar with something called the RAS – our Reticular Activating Systems. In layman’s terms it is a system in our brain which tells our conscious mind what bits to process on the conscious level.

For example: You’re like my sister in her 20’s and decide you’d love a red BMW. Suddenly you see red BMWs EVERYWHERE. Or you’re like my mother, and you decide you want to try out Pilates, and suddenly it’s as though your city has turned into a Pilates haven. That desire plants a seed within the RAS, guiding your conscious mind towards which 126 bits it should process. 

Envision 2 million toothpicks falling from the sky and you are reaching for the 126 bright green ones.

Why does this matter?

Have you ever been on a trip and to one person it is the most beautiful or exciting place, but to another, it’s dirty and/or miserable? Take New York City for example. To many it’s the most exciting city in the world, filled with fascinating people, events and conversations. For others it’s dirty, rude, and cramped. Like any place, it, in many ways, can be BOTH. But through the RAS one’s experience and what they SEE and what they EXPERIENCE is dramatically influenced by the 126 bits the RAS points the conscious mind to “pick up.”

Our Brain Does Not Process Negatives.

Why does this matter? Have you ever told someone private information and specifically said “don’t tell anyone” only to find out that information somehow slipped from their lips? Unfortunately, what their unconscious brain processes is “tell others.”  When we re-language our words to align with what we want, we get a different result. “Don’t tell anyone” can easily be re-languaged to, “I know (or am grateful) you will keep this between us, and I wanted to share it with you.” Now you have not only empowered and made that person feel special, but you have planted the seed that “they will keep it sacred.”

Furthermore, in reflection, what I love about this is: while it is essential to reflect on and know what we don’t want, we really should spend more time speaking about, and reflecting on what we do want. Too often we spend so much time and mental energy on the “don’t want,” we limit our engagement and visioning of what it is that we do want. It’s as though we point our focus in the direction we want to avoid, instead of focusing our attention, where we want to go.

In truth, it can be hard to know where we should point that focus. However it's far harder, long term to never get there, and find yourself always looking behind.

You want to rewire old habits and beliefs? You must work with the unconscious.

I often quote Carl Jung who said, “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” So much of the work I do is about cultivating awareness so that we can bring greater (awareness) to the unconscious drivers of our lives. But this weekend, I learned more about the stats.

To clarify, our subconscious mind is the reservoir of thoughts, beliefs and feelings that operate beneath the conscious. Think of an iceberg. The conscious mind is 5 percent (max) above the surface of the water, while really, what’s holding everything up (and driving our lives) is the 95 percent beneath the surface: that subconscious reservoir.

What’s more is that the subconscious mind is largely programmed by the time you are 7 years old. Ever wonder why you sometimes feel like your internal 7-year-old is throwing a temper tantrum or running your life? Until you make the unconscious conscious, this part of your brain will direct your life and you will feel as though you have no real control over your actions.

Quite honestly, it’s one of the reasons Mindfulness is so extraordinarily powerful. It enables us to bring to light the unconscious thoughts, behaviors, and drivers of our lives so that we can shift them to align with our greatest goals and desires.

So, give up your excuses, adjust your language to be specific with what you want (for yourself and others) and create the opportunity to allow what you WANT to come into your conscious awareness to step forward. Start making the unconscious, conscious. Simple right?

Re-writing your brain, making the unconscious conscious and ceasing the pattern of accepting excuses can feel like a lot to tackle on your own. I’d love to help! Whether for you - or your organization - reach out and let’s start you on your journey today.

Catapult Your Leadership Now: 5 Reasons Why Mindfulness Is The Mother Of All Leadership Skills

Originally published on Forbes.com

Each year billions of dollars are spent on developing professional women. There are scores of trainings on how to better communicate, be more agile, how to listen, be a better mentor, more creative, less reactive, visionary… the list drones on. 

It's enough to make one's head spin. 

The skillsets needed today are unlike those championed decades ago: a new era of Leadership is not only emerging but compulsory. No longer will we (or do we) celebrate and promote the dictatorial, hard-ass leader who generates their power in threats and aggressive backlashes.

Instead, the visionary, the strategic thinker, the listener and the collaborator, the female executive who weighs the balance of short-term gain with long term needs rises to the fore. The woman who understands that as they lead, their decisions impact a greater whole, namely the communities to which they are connected, is followed. And while all these skills can be taught, there is one practice that underlies all. The secret, The Mother of accelerators, if you will: Mindfulness.  

As defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Mindfulness is “the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally."

Meditation is one of the most powerful ways to foster Mindfulness. Contrary to popular misconception, Meditation is not about clearing the mind. 

The nature of the mind is to wander, to have thoughts. No matter how often you meditate, the mind will wander, and thoughts will surface: it's what the mind does, even if you are the Dalai Lama. The power lies in training a new response to, and awareness of, the wandering. 

Meditation is equal parts about habituation the mind back to the present moment, as it is, noticing when, and to where, the mind wanders and with compassion (nonjudgmentally), bringing it back to the present moment. These essential aspects of the practice serve as the backbone to nearly every Leadership skill women need to thrive.

Here's a peek at why Mindfulness is the Mother of all Leadership Skills.

1. Mindfulness Fosters Intentionality. In Meditation, the exercise is to habituate the mind back to the present moment, or back to an object of focus, again, and again, and again. That training builds the neuro muscle so that when our mind wanders or when our attention gets jerked away, in life and the boardroom, we can more easily refocus. In meetings, it's natural to get caught up in our thoughts, critical points, or the impending presentation, detracting from fully hearing emerging specifics that might require a change in approach. This fostering of intentionality enables us to be with what is, instead of what we "think" is present. 
   

2. Mindfulness Mitigates Reactive Tendencies – Reactive tendencies are significant inhibitors of effective Leadership. Some leaders lash out, others shut down, while some "go along to get along." When we react, it is as though our brains have been yanked into a state of fear or anger, undermining our ability to respond thoughtfully. When we have developed the skill to notice, without judgment but with discernment, where our mind is, and the state it is in, we are more likely to pause. That pause enables us to respond purposefully and intentionally chose the next best course of action. Ultimately, that pause not only influences the response, but also how it is delivered. As the adage goes, often, "it's not only what you say, but how you say it."
   

3. Mindfulness Cultivates Creativity: as we step out of our reactive tendencies, often propelled by anxiety and fear, it opens up space to create and innovate. Studies show that when fear and anxiety override the brain, it's as though it's an orchestra gone wrong, you can only hear the out of tune violin and trombone. It's nearly impossible to hear anything else, never mind allow creative insight to arise. Meditation not only enables us to acknowledge our reactive desires and choose a different action or focus, but it also allows us to hear the rest of the symphony and the space between the notes. It is always in that space that insight arises.
   

4. Mindfulness Facilitates Broader Perspective: As the practice becomes more habitual, it inherently builds greater awareness. The act of noticing that the mind has wandered, without judgment, but with full awareness, enables access to more information about ourselves, our tendencies, and the present moment. This expanded perspective in turn fosters enhanced discernment. As researched by the leading thought leaders of The Leadership Circle, core Leadership Competencies of Strategic Focus and Systems Thinker require these skills.
   

5. Mindfulness increases Emotional Intelligence (EI or EQ): The previous school of thought was that there was no room for emotions in the workspace. Now, research and case studies show that EQ is critical for great Leadership. Meditation increases EQ through enhancing the ability to pause and check-in before choosing a response, as well as through the development of consistent, nonjudgmental awareness. Both of these skills foster EQ's key components, including Self-Awareness, Empathy, Self-Regulation & Social Aptitude. fMRI scans of the brain further support this claim, as these scans show that Meditation directly increases the activity in areas of the brain related to Empathy and Compassion (EQ).

Through a surge in research, including Harvard Studies,  we now know that with only eight weeks, Meditation can rewire and build areas of the brain not just related to empathy and compassion, but also to memory and learning, and rewire areas related to stress. But just like the gym, it is a practice that needs consistency. A response is often "I don't have the time," but it can start with a mere minute. Though the benefits are extensive in the leadership realm, a mindful practice impacts all spheres of life. Mindfulness truly is The Mother, the great support, the compassionate listener, the teacher of all critical Leadership, and ultimately life, skills. You can't afford not to take the time.

A Conscious Choice

What is Personal Development??

I was recently asked to give a talk on the importance of this huge topic. But before we could dive into how important it is, we needed to define it. I wanted to use the BEST definition out there (if it’s been done, no need to fix) but in scouring the internet, I came up short, which gave me the opportunity to lean into my work and experience and create one. It is that, which I get to share with you here.  Click here to watch the Youtube Video or read below. I hope it stimulates and maybe even challenges some thinking. Let’s start a conversation!

Personal Development:(n, v) the active process of getting to know ourselves, (self-awareness) of choosing to fall in love with ourselves so that we can live with intention, connected to ourselves and the world around us. It's the courageous process of looking at and then removing the myriad of self-imposed constraints we put on ourselves. It's the heralding of aspects which make us unique and 1 in 8 billion. It's the courage to go into the dark places knowing that through those doorways is the access to light.

It is not a set of skills and tools we acquire. It is not something we add to our resume. It's the process by which we make the unconscious  (or that which we are oblivious to) conscious (something we are aware of) and through that awareness can then make choices we consciously choose, rather than being run by choices run by our unconscious.

Perhaps not something previously considered (or even hard to digest), I'll follow up with why "falling in love with ourselves" is a non-negotiable, fundamental, base-line, part of the process. Until then,  email and get in touch - or share this with others!

With love (and gratitude for allowing me to share!)
Rachel