Diving Deeper

Last blog, I shared a perhaps provocative definition for personal development. If you missed it, watch here or scroll below.  This week we dive into why it is that fundamental and foundational to doing the work, is actively and courageously falling in love with yourself. It is not easy AND it is requisite. Click here to watch, or read below :).

I recently had a dear friend ask a bit incredulously, "don't we need to get to know ourselves before we can fall in love with ourselves?" It is a wholly valid question. 

My answer? 

No.

Let me explain.

When a baby is born, and you hold that precious human in your arms for the very first time - you are already in love with it. You do not wait to see how it poops, how little it cries, or what it's personality is - you unconditionally love that being, likely before it is even born. It is precisely that love that has you wipe its tush no matter how smelly, how messy it's diaper is MULTIPLE times a day. Your love enables you to be with all its crap (quite literally). It is that love that gets you out of bed no matter how exhausted you are. It does not say, "I am too tired and I do not have time for you," or "maybe later."

It is that love that stares in amazement as that child wobbly stands for the first time... and then falls flat on its tush. It's that love which says, "How incredible! You've got it!" And watches as the child tries another 50 or 100 times to get up before it walks, and then runs through the house and life. We do not say, "you idiot, you fell on your ass again?? See whose watching. Everyoneee. You best just stay there. Why try, again?"

It is that love, which as the child grows older and makes mistakes says, "you made a mistake, and that's ok. My love is not conditional on your making mistakes. Let's look at what happened... what made you do that? This is how we learn, this is how we grow."

We innately know and research shows, it is that love, be it from a parent, teacher or another, which enables our children to reach the greatest heights of their potential. Shame, disgust, ridicule -  will not get them there. 

But yet, that is how we treat ourselves.

IF we wait to get to know ourselves before falling in love with ourselves - we will find all the evidence in the world for why we are not worth loving. As we get to know ourselves and our tendencies - we'll easily say, "see that's why you aren't worth loving! Told you!!"  Each mistake and every moment of being (i.e. cranky) when we are tired, irritated or lost, will magnify for us, how undeserving we are. We will be looking through dirty, tinted, crud filled lenses of inadequacy, thus obscuring the true view.

The one thing we want the most is to be loved - but we refuse to love ourselves. It's the one thing we want most, not (just) from others, but its the one thing we most want from ourselves - whether we've realized it yet or not.

However, if we come from a place where we wholly love ourselves, we are more willing to take our own hands and look into the dark, scary places, and do the hard work. And when we explore from a place of unconditional love - we are more willing to dive in because we aren't looking for ways to prove that we are "unworthy." 

Imagine a world where everyone not only wants the best for themselves but also loves themselves enough to go into the dark, hard places, knowing that as they move through, they reach greater heights. Imagine a world where everyone is accessing their greatest potential. That's a world I am fighting for. 

How about you?

It starts with you.

With love and abundant gratitude,
Rachel 

A Conscious Choice

What is Personal Development??

I was recently asked to give a talk on the importance of this huge topic. But before we could dive into how important it is, we needed to define it. I wanted to use the BEST definition out there (if it’s been done, no need to fix) but in scouring the internet, I came up short, which gave me the opportunity to lean into my work and experience and create one. It is that, which I get to share with you here.  Click here to watch the Youtube Video or read below. I hope it stimulates and maybe even challenges some thinking. Let’s start a conversation!

Personal Development:(n, v) the active process of getting to know ourselves, (self-awareness) of choosing to fall in love with ourselves so that we can live with intention, connected to ourselves and the world around us. It's the courageous process of looking at and then removing the myriad of self-imposed constraints we put on ourselves. It's the heralding of aspects which make us unique and 1 in 8 billion. It's the courage to go into the dark places knowing that through those doorways is the access to light.

It is not a set of skills and tools we acquire. It is not something we add to our resume. It's the process by which we make the unconscious  (or that which we are oblivious to) conscious (something we are aware of) and through that awareness can then make choices we consciously choose, rather than being run by choices run by our unconscious.

Perhaps not something previously considered (or even hard to digest), I'll follow up with why "falling in love with ourselves" is a non-negotiable, fundamental, base-line, part of the process. Until then,  email and get in touch - or share this with others!

With love (and gratitude for allowing me to share!)
Rachel